I’ve had the misfortune of being in a few abusive relationships, and I know first hand how much they can chisel away at your mental well being and your self esteem. You start to believe that you are somehow seeking these types of people out, when in fact they start off as incredibly sweet, and charming. They become horrible by degrees. It’s only when they have alienated you from your friends and family, chiseled away at your heart, and soul that they begin to truly reveal themselves as being controlling, manipulative, vile people.
It is so easy for people to tell you how you should get away from these people, and while it is true, you absolutely should… it can be so very difficult. They take everything away from you. Your control, your sense of self, your sanity. They make you question every thought you ever have, because they condition you to believe that you are the cause of everything that is happening to you.
No one is entitled to dominate another person. Nothing you do ever entitles another person to make you feel afraid. If you are in a situation where you are afraid to speak, afraid to act, afraid to move the wrong way without setting someone off, that is not because you have done anything to deserve it. It is because they have something wrong inside of them. It is not up to you to “fix” them.
They do not do these things because they love you, although they will always tell you how much they love you after they hurt you. They do these things to keep you down, to keep you from leaving them. To make you feel like you don’t deserve better, to be treated better. I promise that you in fact do. No one deserves to be an emotional, verbal, or literal punching bag. Not ever.
If you are isolated, and feel like you are alone and no one cares: I care. Though I may not know you, I care about your well-being. I want you to be safe. So does your family and your friends. They love you. No matter what you’re being told about them not caring about you.
It’s not your fault.