Remakes & Reboots: The Hollywood Disease

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I’m so frustrated with all of these Hollywood reboots and remakes of really great flicks and television shows from my childhood. Not to mention the rancid garbage that is Hollywood trying to turn a fantastic Japanese anime or manga into a white-washed live-action pile of steaming manure.

Some remakes are necessary, or else we’d be living in a world where Lou Ferrigno was still the only reference to pop into one’s head when you think of live-action Hulk. Now, while for its day, the Ferrigno Hulk was a great piece of work it does lose much when you stand it against our modern day expectations for great super-hero material.

Robocop was another one that really gnawed at me. I loved the original franchise, and yes I am aware that it’s campy and ridiculous story line doesn’t really hold up today but it was iconic. The first two films were epic, the third not so much. And if you remember the live-action series then you’re like me, a hard-core Robofan. The reboot though just didn’t do it for me at all. Visually, yes it was interesting. Sam Jackson being in it would’ve been really good if he hadn’t been doing a character that I felt was not really necessary to the story.

I think the worst cases of “bad ideas” I have seen in the last several years can be summed up in a few titles:

  • Dragonball: Evolution
  • Ghost in the Shell
  • Æon Flux
  • Ultra Violet
  • Star Wars 1 – 3
  • Daredevil (Ben Affleck)
  • Elektra (Jennifer Garner)
  • Batman & Robin (Clooney)
  • From Dusk til Dawn (all the sequels, the first kicked ass)
  • From Dusk til Dawn the series (they couldn’t keep their shit straight)
  • Ghostbusters reboot
  • Prometheus ( a LOOSELY based prequel to Alien)
  • Alien Resurrection (WTF Joss Whedon? WTAF?)
  • Nikita (formerly La Femme Nikita on USA, which was fantastic)
  • Being Human (US) not a tenth as good as Being Human (UK)
  • Coupling (US) not even a hundredth as good as UK version
  • MacGyver (Richard Dean Anderson cannot be replaced)

These are obviously just a few, but what’s next? Are they going to reboot Stargate again? Farscape? Battlestar Galactica again? Babylon 5?

I’ve already heard wisps of rumors of a Xena: Warrior Princess reboot, will Hercules: The Legendary Journeys be next? What about the Beastmaster movies, or even the wretched series they made it into?

There have been a few remakes/reboots/spin-offs I have actually liked. Few, but there have been some:

  • Voltron: Legendary Defender
  • Battlestar Galactica
  • Stargate SG1/Atlantis/Universe
  • The Office (US version, although original UK version was great)
  • NCIS (spin-off of JAG)
  • Doctor Who
  • Torchwood
  • The Little Prince

I’m not what you’d call a film snob, I’ll watch anything at least once and there are very few that I wish I could have those moments of my life back (exception being when my ex made me watch “Hell Comes to Frogtown“, I will never forgive that. Never.). There are many movies and shows I have watched though that have almost made me wish I had selective narcolepsy (no offense intended to those with narcolepsy, I do understand it is a serious condition, and I am not trying to make humor of it in any way).

I dread to think what will happen ten years from now. Will Hollywood remake “The Hunger Games“, “Harold and Kumar go to White Castle“, “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure“, “Happy Gilmore“, or the horror of all horrors: “Showgirls“. *shudder*

Well, there really isn’t much we can do about the terrible flicks and shows that keep getting shoved down our throats but I can provide you all with a list of decent movies and shows that you just may find to be pretty damn enjoyable:

  • Sherlock (BBC)
  • Jonathan Norell and Mr. Strange (BBC)
  • Being Human (BBC/UK Version)
  • Lost Girl
  • Dark Matter
  • Penny Dreadful
  • Dollhouse
  • Jessica Jones
  • Supernatural
  • The Secret Lives of Altar Boys
  • Requiem for a Dream
  • The Virgin Suicides
  • The Boy in the Striped Pajamas
  • No Country for Old Men
  • Travelers
  • The Handmaid’s Tale (remake on Hulu)
  • Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
  • Bates Motel
  • Black Mirror
  • Leverage
  • Coupling (BBC/UK Version)
  • American Horror Story
  • Ghost World
  • Daybreakers
  • The Boondock Saints (1 & 2)
  • Sin City (1 & 2)
  • Firefly
  • Serenity
  • Babylon 5
  • Farscape
  • Hard Candy
  • The Fades (BBC)
  • Primeval (BBC)
  • Fringe
  • The Goldbergs
  • Reservoir Dogs
  • Pulp Fiction
  • Doctor Who
  • Torchwood
  • Nurse Jackie
  • The Killing (US, or Danish)
  • The Inbetweeners (BBC)
  • The Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind
  • Wilfred (Australian version)
  • Hot Fuzz
  • Shaun of the Dead
  • Ghost in the Shell (original anime movie)
  • Ghost in the Shell: Arise 1 – 3 (anime movies)
  • Ghost in the Shell SAC (anime movies 1 – 3)
  • Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex Series
  • Akira (original anime movie)
  • Cowboy Bebop (original anime series)
  • Armitage III: Polymatrix/Dual Polymatrix
  • Iria: Zeiram the Animation
  • Blood+ (Blood C was a bit of a let down)
  • Green Legend Ran
  • Eureka Seven
  • Bleach
  • Death Note (original anime)
  • Fullmetal Alchemist
  • Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood
  • Seraph of the End

So, if you find yourself with a lack of decent content to watch, then by all means skim my list here. I’m sure you will find something that you will enjoy. I will try to periodically do more lists like these involving other content (e.g. books, games, etc).

Remember, the only thing we can really do to stop Hollywood from remaking/rebooting perfectly good material is to NOT buy tickets. Don’t go watch the insipid tripe they keep trying to shove down our throats. We need to let them know remakes like “Poltergeist“, “It“, and “Baywatch” are just not okay. “Baywatch” was bad enough the first time around, tossing Dwayne Johnson in it isn’t going to make it any better than when David Hasselhoff was in it.

Written by Autumn “WoahLock”™ J.H. © 2017

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