Remakes & Reboots: The Hollywood Disease

stock image: no copyright infringements

I’m so frustrated with all of these Hollywood reboots and remakes of really great flicks and television shows from my childhood. Not to mention the rancid garbage that is Hollywood trying to turn a fantastic Japanese anime or manga into a white-washed live-action pile of steaming manure.

Some remakes are necessary, or else we’d be living in a world where Lou Ferrigno was still the only reference to pop into one’s head when you think of live-action Hulk. Now, while for its day, the Ferrigno Hulk was a great piece of work it does lose much when you stand it against our modern day expectations for great super-hero material.

Robocop was another one that really gnawed at me. I loved the original franchise, and yes I am aware that it’s campy and ridiculous story line doesn’t really hold up today but it was iconic. The first two films were epic, the third not so much. And if you remember the live-action series then you’re like me, a hard-core Robofan. The reboot though just didn’t do it for me at all. Visually, yes it was interesting. Sam Jackson being in it would’ve been really good if he hadn’t been doing a character that I felt was not really necessary to the story.

I think the worst cases of “bad ideas” I have seen in the last several years can be summed up in a few titles:

  • Dragonball: Evolution
  • Ghost in the Shell
  • Æon Flux
  • Ultra Violet
  • Star Wars 1 – 3
  • Daredevil (Ben Affleck)
  • Elektra (Jennifer Garner)
  • Batman & Robin (Clooney)
  • From Dusk til Dawn (all the sequels, the first kicked ass)
  • From Dusk til Dawn the series (they couldn’t keep their shit straight)
  • Ghostbusters reboot
  • Prometheus ( a LOOSELY based prequel to Alien)
  • Alien Resurrection (WTF Joss Whedon? WTAF?)
  • Nikita (formerly La Femme Nikita on USA, which was fantastic)
  • Being Human (US) not a tenth as good as Being Human (UK)
  • Coupling (US) not even a hundredth as good as UK version
  • MacGyver (Richard Dean Anderson cannot be replaced)

These are obviously just a few, but what’s next? Are they going to reboot Stargate again? Farscape? Battlestar Galactica again? Babylon 5?

I’ve already heard wisps of rumors of a Xena: Warrior Princess reboot, will Hercules: The Legendary Journeys be next? What about the Beastmaster movies, or even the wretched series they made it into?

There have been a few remakes/reboots/spin-offs I have actually liked. Few, but there have been some:

  • Voltron: Legendary Defender
  • Battlestar Galactica
  • Stargate SG1/Atlantis/Universe
  • The Office (US version, although original UK version was great)
  • NCIS (spin-off of JAG)
  • Doctor Who
  • Torchwood
  • The Little Prince

I’m not what you’d call a film snob, I’ll watch anything at least once and there are very few that I wish I could have those moments of my life back (exception being when my ex made me watch “Hell Comes to Frogtown“, I will never forgive that. Never.). There are many movies and shows I have watched though that have almost made me wish I had selective narcolepsy (no offense intended to those with narcolepsy, I do understand it is a serious condition, and I am not trying to make humor of it in any way).

I dread to think what will happen ten years from now. Will Hollywood remake “The Hunger Games“, “Harold and Kumar go to White Castle“, “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure“, “Happy Gilmore“, or the horror of all horrors: “Showgirls“. *shudder*

Well, there really isn’t much we can do about the terrible flicks and shows that keep getting shoved down our throats but I can provide you all with a list of decent movies and shows that you just may find to be pretty damn enjoyable:

  • Sherlock (BBC)
  • Jonathan Norell and Mr. Strange (BBC)
  • Being Human (BBC/UK Version)
  • Lost Girl
  • Dark Matter
  • Penny Dreadful
  • Dollhouse
  • Jessica Jones
  • Supernatural
  • The Secret Lives of Altar Boys
  • Requiem for a Dream
  • The Virgin Suicides
  • The Boy in the Striped Pajamas
  • No Country for Old Men
  • Travelers
  • The Handmaid’s Tale (remake on Hulu)
  • Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
  • Bates Motel
  • Black Mirror
  • Leverage
  • Coupling (BBC/UK Version)
  • American Horror Story
  • Ghost World
  • Daybreakers
  • The Boondock Saints (1 & 2)
  • Sin City (1 & 2)
  • Firefly
  • Serenity
  • Babylon 5
  • Farscape
  • Hard Candy
  • The Fades (BBC)
  • Primeval (BBC)
  • Fringe
  • The Goldbergs
  • Reservoir Dogs
  • Pulp Fiction
  • Doctor Who
  • Torchwood
  • Nurse Jackie
  • The Killing (US, or Danish)
  • The Inbetweeners (BBC)
  • The Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind
  • Wilfred (Australian version)
  • Hot Fuzz
  • Shaun of the Dead
  • Ghost in the Shell (original anime movie)
  • Ghost in the Shell: Arise 1 – 3 (anime movies)
  • Ghost in the Shell SAC (anime movies 1 – 3)
  • Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex Series
  • Akira (original anime movie)
  • Cowboy Bebop (original anime series)
  • Armitage III: Polymatrix/Dual Polymatrix
  • Iria: Zeiram the Animation
  • Blood+ (Blood C was a bit of a let down)
  • Green Legend Ran
  • Eureka Seven
  • Bleach
  • Death Note (original anime)
  • Fullmetal Alchemist
  • Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood
  • Seraph of the End

So, if you find yourself with a lack of decent content to watch, then by all means skim my list here. I’m sure you will find something that you will enjoy. I will try to periodically do more lists like these involving other content (e.g. books, games, etc).

Remember, the only thing we can really do to stop Hollywood from remaking/rebooting perfectly good material is to NOT buy tickets. Don’t go watch the insipid tripe they keep trying to shove down our throats. We need to let them know remakes like “Poltergeist“, “It“, and “Baywatch” are just not okay. “Baywatch” was bad enough the first time around, tossing Dwayne Johnson in it isn’t going to make it any better than when David Hasselhoff was in it.

Written by Autumn “WoahLock”™ J.H. © 2017

The Quest for Cheese (Comedy Blog)

“The Vaudevillian Mis-Adventures of WoahLock™”© is a series of short , comedic stories written by me. None of the events in the stories are real, none of the people in the stories are real, none of the scenarios involving carnage or maiming are real. These are merely a new way for me to convey my moods without coming out and saying “I feel  _____” every single time.
This means the stories flow, tone, structure, and so forth may change dramatically which each story.
Thank you for taking time out of your busy lives to read my little stories. I am not a professional writer, so please excuse spelling and/or grammatical errors. And remember, these are just for fun and to express myself in a constructive way.
Stock Image: No Copyright Infringements

The Vaudevillian Mis-Adventures of WoahLock™ Series
“The Quest for Cheese”

I don’t recall how the day began, or the events leading up to “The Craving” but I knew once it hit me that I had to have… a grilled cheese sandwich. I walked into the kitchen with purpose, I knew my reason for existing this day. I thrust open the refrigerator door with gusto, only to have my heart shatter where I stood. We were out of cheese. Visions of a dark, desolate world stretched for miles within my mind. This was it. No hope. The ultimate scorched earth scenario. I stared at the floor filled with absolute despair, until an ember of hope flickered inside of me. What was it that I remembered hearing on television? Yes! The ember roared into an all-consuming blaze. The grocery store down the road had cheese on sale! This day could yet be salvaged.

In a daze of grilled cheese visions, I found myself at the nearest grocery store. No memory of how I had arrived there, so intent on my purpose. For all I remember I could have teleported, or been carried there on the wings of cheese fairies. So complete were my cheese filled daydreams. I grasped the bar of the nearest shopping cart, white knuckles exposed to the crisp cool air. While I am here, I might as well pick up a few other things, but first the cheese.

I start down the closest aisle, and begin to head in the direction of my sweet salvation when I notice the white-haired elderly woman walking towards me. Her eyes are steely, her paper thin lips are pulled tight and she is heading in the direction of the cheese with a fist-full of coupons and a devious glint in her eyes.

I lock eyes with the white-haired woman, suddenly we both know what the other is about and the situation has gone from tense to dangerous. Almost in sync we both lock our elbows and begin to drag race down the main aisle. Cart by cart, we tear off towards the cheese. On lookers gasp at the ferocity of our speed. Small children are yanked out of our way moments before being plowed over, a stock boy is clipped by the corner of a cart and is thrown into a display of soup cans, which inexplicably explodes.

Children weep, women shout, a burly man faints. The race has taken a heavy toll on the by-standers. Neck and neck the white-haired woman and I continue to peel towards the cheese, both of us blinded by rage and adrenaline. I will not be defeated. I will have my grilled cheese. This tiny woman of 87 years will not thwart, “The Craving”!

I’m so focused on the white-haired woman next to me, that I do not see the spilled applesauce on the floor. My cart hits the sickly glob of apple goo and I begin to fishtail. I skid out into a rapid spin, unable to control the cart any longer I am sent flying into a display of adult diapers with a loud, and heart wrenching thud.

Internally, and probably externally too, I scream with every inch of my soul, “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!” The white-haired woman has beaten me. She has made it to the cheese, and she clears out the shelves. I weep silently when suddenly I stop, wipe my nose and sit up. I straighten out my clothes and whisper to myself, “You know, pizza rolls sound pretty good.” As I finish the sentence, I look up to see a young man eyeing me intently while grasping the bar on his cart so that his white knuckles are clearly visible. “Ah”, I think to myself. “So we begin.”

Concept and Story Created by Autumn “WoahLock™” J.H. © 2017

Complaints of Not Enough “White” in New Star Trek… Seriously?! Oh FFS!

USS Enterprise Stock Photo Property of G. Roddenberry & Paramount Pictures

I couldn’t make this crap up if I tried. I just stumbled across a story about the new trailer for “Star Trek: Discovery”, it was written by Ryan General of From what I could glean by skimming the article, a lot of people are apparently upset by how FEW caucasian actors(tresses) there are in this latest addition to the franchise. Really, people? Really?

I was in a bitter rage when I found out they had COMPLETELY changed the physical aesthetic of the Klingons, though it is true they have done so before; however, I think upgrading from the tanned looking cabana boys in gold lamè to the bold, stern, and visually striking warrior’s that they became classically known for was definitely the right move. But, speaking as someone who did in fact see the leaked photos of the new “Klingons”, I saw no need. I was not impressed. If anything I was grossly disappointed. Anyway though, I digress.

With as many projects as Hollywood has been “white-washing” lately (e.g. Ghost in the Shell, Death Note, etc) are people seriously getting their panties in a twist because for ONCE there is a film with a decent amount of actors of a darker pigment being cast in something that is NOT about robbing, banging, thugging, or dealing… you know, pretty much anything stereotypical that the average redneck, white man USA expects to see his people of “color”.

I’m white, and I for one and happy to see some diversity the next time I go to see a film that RUINED the fundamental part of its own canon and makes me want to curl up into a ball and sing loud Klingon operas about Kah’less. *sniffles* QAPLA’!

Resource: Creative Commons & Copyright Info Simplified

As writers, artists, musicians, and so forth have you ever wondered where you stand as far as copyrighting goes? I’m sure you have, anyone that has ever one anything creative and shared it online has at some point or another considered their copyright entitlements, or have had to seek information regarding the DMCA/DMCA Take-down procedures (Digital Millennium Copyright Act). Believe me, if you ask anyone that has had to get involved in initiating a DMCA take-down (removal of your copyright material used by a second, third, or fourth [etc] party claiming ownership over said content), that it is a colossal pain in the sphincter.

So, here is a little chart I came across earlier today (I did NOT make it, and I do NOT know who did. I claim NO credit over the material. I am using it for a non-profit, instructional purpose ONLY.) and I figured I would share it so that hopefully someone that might previously not have known about their copyright privileges will now know.

I would suggest getting in touch with a professional that works with copyright law, and can set up your specific needs based on what/how/when/etc but if you want to wing it and just cover your ass read the chart provided, see which applies to you and you can then download the applicable copyright label and post it with/on all of your work(s).

Hope this helps in some way.


Here is an example of a copyright label:


Brave and Reckless’Advice for New WordPress Bloggers– Part 1

Expanded beginner bloggers advice. Definitely a resource you should have at your disposal.

Brave and Reckless

It wasn’t so long ago that I was a brand new blogger at WordPress. I started my blog at the beginning of October with no real goals in mind other than making one particular piece of writing publicly available for sharing. I chose WordPress because we use it at work and several friends spoke highly of the community.  It wasn’t until I saw my first piece of original writing on my blog that I started thinking what next?

I knew nothing about blogging. But I did know that all communities have their own unique culture and through a combination of trial and error, generous mentors and reading several really good guides to WordPress, I found my footing here. This past weekend I hit 500 followers.  I remain just as flattered today that someone has read and responded to my writing as I did the first time.

Recently I have had numerous…

View original post 778 more words

“Brave and Reckless” Advice: Five Tips for New Bloggers from Christine Ray

I found this very useful. It’s mostly common sense stuff, but not everyone thinks the same way. So, I thought I’d pass this along so others could find it useful too.


Just several months into her blogging adventure on, Christine Ray of Brave and Reckless started to figure out what worked for her — and what didn’t — while navigating this online community. For a dose of Christine’s advice, here are five tips on building a successful site and growing a loyal audience.

1) Learn from peers or people you admire.

Read guides for new bloggers. WordPress offers some great guides but some of the most useful information is from other bloggers.

2) Consider how people read you.

Remember that many WordPress readers are following you on a SmartPhone or tablet and reading you at lunch. Shorter posts are more likely to get read. You can always divide a longer post into sections that you can publish separately if you have a lot to say.

3) Read as much as possible — and find your people. 

Look for writing…

View original post 169 more words

Blog Chaos! The reason my page has run amok!


Firstly I’d really like to apologize to everyone if my blog has been posting old links to my various social media(s) I have linked to my blog. I tried to make sure they were turned off from being shared to while I was fixing posts, re-arranging pages, and so on; however, I’m sure in my frenzied state to get everything sorted some of it probably was missed or overlooked entirely.

For quite some time now I’ve been wanting to do a complete overhaul on my page/blog here on wordpress, and since I am currently using the free service through them my options for customization are really rather limited.
So much so that for the longest time I couldn’t even change the background image on my site page, or do much in the way of customizing the header… until now. I don’t know if they decided to be a bit more flexible with the free templates, or if my potato of a laptop finally decided to let me access the links needed for further customization but this happy crappy little cyber geek jumped right in and got to work! LOL.

I haven’t found the perfect background I want to use yet, but the one I put up is much better (to me anyway) than the one I was previously stuck with. It’ll certainly work for now.

I also wanted to remove some blog posts from my navigation bar, but couldn’t figure out how. I don’t honestly remember how I got them up there is the first place, so doing it in reverse wasn’t an option. Hence why I had to repost those old interviews, so the posts that were perma-linked to the nav-bar would then disappear. I was hoping that would work, and it did very well indeed. The quick links to the interviews are still available on the “Interviews” tab, I updated the links there so no one needs sift through my various old blog entries to find interviews. Any future interviews will be quick linked there as well for the same reason.

I also want to update the personal information about me on the website, make it sleeker and more relevant. I noticed I rambled a bit with the original posts and would like to cut out all the excess BS.

I’ve also added links to many of my social media sites, so that if anyone on here would like to get more info on either my work, or projects I am involved with they will be able to do so.

I’m still not finished with the page reconstruction, so again I apologize for any inconvenience it is causing anyone. I can assure everyone though, that the fixes I am making now will be the only ones I should need to do for the quite foreseeable future.

Thanks for bearing with me.


An Interview with Cody “Hotsforshots” Jeffrys Pro-Gamer


There I sat, in Twitter land, Direct Message harassing one of the many awesome people that I follow. Trading wisecracks, as I’m prone to do, when an idea I’ve had long simmering in my head comes screaming to the forefront:
“Hey, friend! Would you be interested in being interviewed for my blog?” Poor guy never knew what he was getting into, he said “Sure.”!

So begins my inaugural foray into interviewing and article writing. May I present, my amazing guinea pig: Cody aka “Hotsforshots“! An amazingly good sport, I might add!

So, could you tell us a little about yourself?
“My name is Cody. I’m 25. I served 6 years in the army, and 1 year in Afghanistan. I go by ‘Hotsforshots‘ (‘Hots‘ for short), and have for around 4 years now.”

We’re curious to know: could you tell us about what game(s) you play professionally?

What character/role do you play?
“I played support, mainly Lucio.”

What team(s) do you currently or have previously play(ed) for?
Colorado Clutch

How long have you been playing this particular game?
“I played it [Overwatch] from December 2015 till June 2016 professionally.”

How long have you been gaming?
“I’ve been gaming since I can remember. Started off with the NES [Nintendo Entertainment System].”

How long have you been gaming professionally?
“I only played Overwatch professionally, so around 6-7 months.”

How did you get started gaming professionally?
“I stopped playing any other game and dedicated every waking second I could to get good enough, and eventually found a team randomly.”

How did you get started gaming in general?
“My family had a gaming system and I was instantly hooked.”

Are you currently sponsored/whom are you sponsored by?
“I’m not currently sponsored.”

Where do you see your personal/professional gaming in the future?
“I would like to get into professional gaming again in the future, but it’s probably going to be in a different aspect. Like coaching, managing, or something along those lines.”

Is it really all about Tracer’s Booty?
“I’m more of a Widowmaker’s booty kinda guy.”

Do you have any other hobbies/interests?
“I’m pretty much just an overall nerd. I enjoy Anime, Gaming and all of that.”

What would you like people to know about your gaming style?
“I’m one of those people that if someone is doing it better then me, I will dedicate everything I can to beat them. If there isn’t, then I will find a way to improve myself so someone can’t beat me.”

What gaming gear [rig] do you use? (specs/etc)
“Corsair Vengence and a Razer naga, for FPS I use a logitech g502.”

What other games do you play/enjoy non-professionally?
“WoW, Smite, d3 (very occasionally).” [World of Warcraft, Diablo III]

What is your all-time favorite game?
“Definitely WoW.” [World of Warcraft]

What is your favorite gaming platform?
“PC? Hello?”

How do you prepare for a game? (mentally/physically/psychologically)
“I usually get ready by making sure that I’ve eaten, have plenty of drink. Sitting down going over strats in my head while warming up my aim in the training room, and run a few quick matches to get the mind juices going and pumping myself up.”

Do you have any pointers/tips on how others can get started on a pro/semi-pro gaming career?
“Dedicate every single thing you can to make sure that you’re good enough to catch people’s eyes. Get a hold of people that are already pros, and find the place where people go to find teams and other pros hang out.”

How can people follow/contact you for more information?
“Pretty much everything is hotsforshots. Twitch, Twitter, Facebook and so on.”

So, now that we have learned some basic information from “Hotsforshots” himself, I’d like to take a moment and give my impressions of this amazing gentleman.
He is very goal-oriented, he gives all of himself to every thing that he does. He does it all with a smile and a joke, and he is a genuinely friendly person that I am so very glad to know.

Though “Hots” almost always has something or another going on, he always takes the time to interact with his “followers” and his “fans”; however, I’m of the impression he thinks of them more as “friends” or “buddies”. I have never seen him act as though talking to someone was an inconvenience. This speaks volumes to his character, and his easy-going personality.

Some may know “Hotsforshots” from his countless appearances on the weekly PWNCAST Podcast, as one of the many talented co-hosts. Where he has been an endlessly entertaining, and informative part of the team dynamic.

Some may know him from his triumphs as a Mythic Raiding impresario. Others may simply know him by name, but be sure his is a name I am confident you’ll be hearing a lot more of in the future.

Hotsforshots” has gaming in his heart, and he truly loves it. He invests the time to become not just proficient, but to excel at everything he does.

I could try to write this as an impartial observer, but the truth is: I’m a fan of his, and I’m a fan of gaming. I enjoy bringing this other facet of gamers to you all.

A very BIG thank you to Cody aka “Hotsforshots“, for taking time out of his day to answer some questions for us. I hope he knows that he is welcome back to this little blog anytime!

I’d also like to take a moment to thank Cody/”Hots” for his service to his country. Thank you, sir.

Thanks to my readers! Without you, this would just be me talking to myself!

Take care dearies! Until next time. This is “WoahLock” – The Fan Girl, signing off!

WoahLock on Twitter

Hotsforshots on Twitter

PWNCAST on Twitter

PWNCAST on YouTube

An Interview with Artist Straya Obscura

Image provided by: Straya Obscura

Firstly, I’d like to thank Straya Obscura for taking time out of their busy schedule to do this little interview. It really means a lot, especially since I am a HUGE fan of their work and them as a person.

If you would be so kind, tell us a little bit about you as a person:
Well… uh, hi! I’m Straya, 27 years old, fulltime illustrator! Living happily with my significant other and drawing all day er’day!
Outside of drawing I do mostly video games, currently Overwatch, some single player RPGs, and TitanFall 2. Model building is another,
far more expensive hobby, and I stick to Zoids and Gundams on that field.

For those that do not know you, tell us what you do for a living:
I started out in just illustration, and moved into paper crafting many years ago, that is what I have stuck to!
I like to call them “semi-3D paper crafts”. It’s a style I invented myself way back in college. I illustrate
each one to look as if it is a sculpture.

When did you start drawing/painting/sketching? (how old were you?):
I’ve been drawing since I was knee-high to my grandmother (5 or 6) and it all started with BlowPens!
If you remember those, you’re awesome!

Did you always know you wanted to make a career out of making art?
Far from, I actually was going to go into some sort of field regarding computers,
either in coding or IT. I lost interest in that in high school, and at the very last second
said “art… sure”. I wasn’t given much time to decide on a college, so I settled on something
I thought was “easy”. I was wrong, ha ha!

Please tell us, what inspires you when you’re making art?:
Mostly the music I listen to. But I lurk through tons of art sites and such, and sometimes
I get inspired but other peoples work!

Are you professionally trained? If so, how?
Yep! I have a bachelor’s degree in illustration from The Art Institutes (but like any art degree,
it requires YOU to do the studying, the school doesn’t do -that- much).

Who are some of your favorite artists?
Top three? JoeMad, Ruth Thompson, and Todd Lockwood.

Who are some of your artistic role models? Artists you emulate in some way?
Probably those top three? xD I’ve always aspired to get the “badass-ness” that Joe
has in his work!

What inspires you to keep making art?
Honestly, the shares, comments and such I get from all of my wonderful followers! They keep me going!

Do you ever experience artist’s block? If so, how do you work past it?
It happens! I use to get it more often than I do now, but I’ve learned that if I just keep drawing and don’t
get stuck on stupid little sketches, I can get through them!

What medium do you prefer for your artwork?
All of them actually, but most of my premade paper crafts are digital because that is easier to reproduce.
I like to say my work is still, even when painted digitally, very traditional because I do hand make all of the

If you could give any piece of advice to a beginner artist, what would it be?
Study, study, study! Study from real life! Develop your OWN style, don’t follow in the exact footsteps of another.
I see so many people who have this wonderful potential and they waste it away copying their favorite anime or another well-known artist and it is quite sad.

How does creating art make you feel?
Wonderful! I love coming up with new beasties and even taking the fan art route and drawing some of my favorites!
Sometimes it is an escape from my depression, which is also very nice.

Did you ever want to do anything else for a living, if so what was it?
Started out with the intent of doing something related to computers, but
I wouldn’t change what I’m doing now given the choice.

What’s the most time you’ve ever invested into one piece of artwork?
I spent nearly 3 months created and completed the WoW Class Crest project, it was a brand new thing
and it went over SO well! I am excited to do something similar again!

What do you hope people take away from your art?
I’m hoping that they get a “That’s AWESOME!” reaction, but as long as its positive I
won’t complain. I’ve had people tell me, after I post something, that I had made their
day brighter/better and that is the greatest feeling ever.

What genre of artist would you say you are?
Crafter, probably. Fantasy I suppose fits my subject matter.

Do you have any big projects on the horizon? If so, do we get any hints?
Of course! I plan to finish the Overwatch crests, I have just begun the WoW Race Crests, and will be bringing back
my “Elemental Kitsune” series.

Art theft is a big problem now-a-days, so give us your thoughts on how it hurts hard working artists and what artists can do to help protect themselves (e.g. DMCA “Digital Millennium Copyright Act”):
I’m on a different playing field than most artists who deal with theft. As my final work is all photographs of paper crafts, which does not translate well to being stolen for digital prints.
But I will say not to be afraid to slap a big ugly watermark on your work if you feel it will be a problem. But also do your research on selling unlicensed fan art, as its a huge grey area to begin with,
and a C&D letter can backfire on you in those regards.

Could you please give us the links where we can find/contact you and/or buy some of your amazing art?
I’m all over the place!
Twitter: @StrayaObscura
Tumblr: StrayaObscura
deviantART: Straya Obscura
FurAffinity: WindGoddess

You can find my work in other places, but those are where I am most active.

Earth’s Last Hope (Comedy Blog)

“The Vaudevillian Mis-Adventures of WoahLock™”© is a series of short , comedic stories written by me. None of the events in the stories are real, none of the people in the stories are real, none of the scenarios involving carnage or maiming are real. These are merely a new way for me to convey my moods without coming out and saying “I feel  _____” every single time.
This means the stories flow, tone, structure, and so forth may change dramatically which each story.
Thank you for taking time out of your busy lives to read my little stories. I am not a professional writer, so please excuse spelling and/or grammatical errors. And remember, these are just for fun and to express myself in a constructive way.

Stock Image: No Copyrights Infringed

The Vaudevillian Mis-Adventures of WoahLock™
“Earth’s Last Hope”

I remember the day vividly, I was sitting down ready to binge on some Netflix when I heard the loud metallic whirring of the alien space craft landing on my front lawn.
This can’t be good. I remember thinking to myself, and boy was I right.
Watching from my window I could see an opening begin to form on what I could only assume was the front of the space craft, and a ramp slowly lowered itself toward the ground.

At the top of the ramp stood two strange beings, I don’t think my words could even begin to do justice to describing them.
They were humanoid, that much I can say with some confidence. They had arms, legs, faces, and they seemed to be carrying something that looked a bit like… pamphlets.
The two un-earthly beings saw me watching them through my window, and began to walk towards my front door. I remember thinking, Holy crap! Earth’s first encounter with an alien race will be initiated… by me!

As the pair neared my door, I noticed they had strange smiles plastered on their faces. The sort of smiles you see on mannequins, or Kardashians. It sent a shiver up my spine.
The odd pair of life-forms continued closer to my door, I frantically searched my brain for the right words to greet them with and came up with nothing. Everything I could think of sounded like something from a cheesy sci-fi movie where the Earth wound up destroyed due to some miscommunication. I figured it best to avoid those lines, if not for the sake of the world then for the sake of me not sounding like a complete asshat.

While I was clearly lost in my own thoughts of “Welcome to Earth” and “We mean you no harm” the pair had reached my front door without me even noticing. They rang my door bell… oh my god, they rang my door bell?!
I timidly opened the door and peered out at the alien figures standing before me… “H-h-hello?” I stuttered.
They spoke in unison, “Greetings and salutations good human! Glorious day, is it not?” I stared at them in stunned silence, they seemed oblivious to my discomfiture and continued on, “We have come to converse with you today about our great Lord and Savior: Breknar, Light of the Universe and Father of 7 Galaxies!” The being on the right then extended his arm to hand me a pamphlet.

All of my thoughts on the wonders of the universe came to a screeching halt. These travelers had come here to pester me about their space-god and give me a pamphlet?! Oh that tears it! I thought to myself.
I proceeded to throw the visitors off of my lawn, my use of profanities and bird-like screeching sent them scrambling back to their ship. Once inside they promptly took off, back into space I assume.

It was many weeks later that I heard about the armed resistance forming to stop these pamphlet-tossing invaders from destroying the Earth’s peace and quiet, and interrupting our stream binge watching. I, of course. signed up immediately.
After a grueling 6 weeks of boot camp, physical fitness training, weapons training, simulated flight training, and mandatory origami paper folding classes… I was finally ready to be a soldier for Earth’s Homeworld Defense Strikeforce.

In the years of fighting that followed, I killed many of our alien invaders. I helped to disable their bases, mother ships, and sabotage their pamphlet printing facilities. I was a cut throat soldier. I went where the Top Brass sent me, asked no questions, and followed orders to the letter. I was ruthless. The perfect killing machine in every way.

Now, I am home. The war is over. I find myself sitting in front of my television where this all began. “Finally” I whisper to myself, “I can watch ‘The Gilmore Girls‘ in peace.”

Story Concept created and written by: Autumn “WoahLock™” J. H. © 2017